I just realized

I've been trying to find who I am lately. Maybe that's my problem though. I feel like I can't find who I'm supposed to be, but I'm looking for all the wrong things. I shouldn't be finding myself, but creating myself. These are the years to decide what I want for myself. The years to fuck up and go with it, because I'm creating myself in the process. The years to mess up and learn from my mistakes. I have a feeling that process never ends though; the creating yourself part. Obviously things change. If you don't believe that, then we have deeper problems.
I'm certain of a few things: I love yoga. I feel most myself when I'm immersed in nature. I feel like a better person when the trash is recycled and the lights are off. Even though I love being outdoors and being casual, I am obsessed with fashion.

All of these things are coming together and I've been trying to decide if I want to be the fashion guru, or the organic yogi, or the tomboy who couldn't give a shit, but I'm allowed to be a combination. I'm allowed to form whoever I want and be that person. Be me. That's exciting to me, making something of what I've been given. I love the thought of being free and not having to be something for someone. I can be whatever I please at the moment, because it's all a part of me. Yayy for realizations.

What do I believe in?

I believe in speaking your mind: being who you are with no apologies. I believe in being yourself, because without you, who do you have? I believe in magic and love and fireworks and sparkles and all that too-good-to-be-true nonsense. I believe in imperfections, because with imperfections we can truly enjoy beauty. I believe in candles and yoga and meditation being capable of releasing toxins from your body. I believe in letting go of things when the time comes, realizing at one point, you're not going to be able to change the situation, and get over it. I believe in having a plan and not sticking to it in the slightest. I believe in doing things that will create memories and regrets - because I believe you can't have one without the other. I believe in whether there's a god or there isn't, I'll be just fine. Because I believe it is what it is and whatever happens happens.

The thing with guys on tv...

they're not real. They don't say the perfect thing at the perfect time; they recite the perfect lines they memorized from a script. They get the hopes up of girls across the country, and raise our expectations. As hot as a vampire can be, they don't exist. We're never going to have an extremely hot, mysterious relationship with the sexiest of sexy teachers. Why do they do this to us? Make us want things that don't happen in real life. It's frustrating to say the least. I want my own Stefan Salvatore. Why is a troubled, bad ass, Ryan Atwood so much more appealing than the average kid at school? Ryan Gosling. The Notebook. Need I say more?